The number one complaint of most people in relationships is to have better communication skills. They complain that communication is one area of their relationship, they would like to have improved.
Is that true for you?
As a therapist, I would say 85 – 90% of clients whose initial reason for coming to counseling, is communication. I would almost always ask them what does that mean.
Everyone tend to have a different meaning on the word. I have mine and they have theirs. I’m interested it what it looks like for them.
I’ve heard such things as he or she doesn’t listen to me or they don’t understand me. This is the essence of what they mean.
One of the underlying issues, is the difference in personalities. They are two different people, yet they are trying to conform the other person into their own image. They want the other person to see things the way they do and when that does not happen, they immediately pull the “not communicating” or “incompatibility” card.
Even though there are some thing to be said about that, the lack of understanding of each other’s personality is a major issue.
There is an assessment that I’ve found to be helpful, wherein individuals can figure out their personality. It is the DiSC personality profile assessment.
This assessment examines the four different personalities that we encounter.
Here they are:
The first is the D – Dominance
The Second is the I – Influence
The Third is the S – Steadiness
The Fourth is the C – Concientious
Everyone of us has a combination of all four. However, there is one dominant trait that emerges above the rest. The many thousands of people who have identified their personality style and are able to identify those with whom they are in relationship, are more poised to have better relationships and hence better results.
It behoves you and I to join the throng of people who have figured it out so that we too can optimize our relational experience.
Here is a quick summary of each.
Dominance:
Those with this personality type are more bottom line individuals. They are driven by results. They make quick decisions without thinking as much about the impact it has on others. They go more with their gut intuitions after gathering as much information as necessary. They are more the bullet-point type of person. They like to be in control and are very direct. Being liked is not a priority for them.
Influence:
These individuals make decisions more from the heart. They care about how their decision impact others. They are more sensitive to the feelings of others. Having others think well of them is very important. They may or make not get all the facts.
Steadiness:
These individuals make decisions in groups. They don’t like to act right away. They want all the facts before they make a decision. They like to think things over and over and over before taking actions. Sometimes they end up not taking actions. They can be indecisive.
Conscientious:
These individuals are very black and white. They go by the book. They want to know what does the manual or the law says. They want to be told what to do and then left alone to do what they are told. They will gather all the data and seek others input for decision making. They would rather have someone else be responsible for the final decision.
This is just a brief summary of the four different personality types according to the DiSC system. There are other assessments available that may have other letters, animals or objects telling a similar story. However, this is the assessment that I’m more familiar with. The others, I have a basic understanding of them.
How does this matter to you? I would say in every way. If you could get a basic understanding of yours and others personality type, it would help you have better communication skills. You would know what to expect and why you do things a bit different.
What’s your thoughts on these personality types? Which one are you and how do you see this being helpful to you? Take a moment and leave a comment in the box provided below.
