THE BIRTHING OF SHAME
“I’m ashamed of you,” says the father to his son.
Those words penetrated to the core of his being.
That began the downward spiraling.
Today he hangs his head in shame. He cannot get past the fact that his dad was ashamed of him.
Imagine what this did to him. Imagine how he went about doing life. Imagine the deja vu experience he has every time he does something that has any resemblance of what transpired between him and his dad.
He is now filled with shame.
Can you relate?
THE RESULTS OF SHAME
Shame conveys the message that you and I are flawed. There is something wrong with us. We need to be fixed and we live our lives wondering if we ever will break away from these feelings. We look to people and things to fix us. And more often than not, come away empty. Nothing changes.
People who are filled with shame lacks confidence.
They second guess themselves. They don’t make decisions without the assistance of others. They doubt themselves. It’s a horrible prison that they find themselves in.
They sabotage relationships with family, friends, co-workers, classmates, etc. Shame tells them they aren’t good enough so they have to confirm their “truth” by the sabotage.
Shame also comes when we have done things in our lives that we are ashamed of. We are ashamed because we see our actions, not as a behavior but a character flaw. Something is wrong with us.
However shame finds a way to embed its tentacles into our psyche, it upstages our lives and the lives of those around us especially those who are closest to us.
THE SOLUTION TO SHAME
So what do we do about shame?
First, we must refute the idea that there is something wrong with us and we need to be fixed. I’m not saying we might not need professional help to talk through and get a different perspective on how we’re processing our past. Not at all. I would be the first one to say, get some help. I had to do quite a bit of self-work as a result of what happened to me as a teenager.
Secondly, separate our actions from us as a person. Whatever happened is a behavior. We all do things we regret; stupid things at times. This is also true of behaviors that were directed at us. It happened not because there’s something wrong with us but because we live in a fallen world where bad things happen to good people.
Thirdly, remember that WE are NOT our actions.
Lastly and most importantly, we are special and loved by God in spite of all that has happened.
If you’ve worked through shame be available to help others who are dealing with such. If you know of someone who is dealing with shame, forward this email to them.
If you need some help with this or any other area that is holding you back from your best self, I can help you. I’ve helped countless numbers of people do this. I use my RE-STORYING TECHNIQUE to accomplish this.serve you.
CONNECT with me HERE
