Listening Styles Revealed

Being aware of the different listening styles used in communication can help you manage conflict and your stress levels. The idea that we all communicate the same way, is a myth. We would all need to be robots or clones of each other. I don’t want that. Do you?

It’s not so much the knowing the listening styles that makes the difference even though it is important, but it is more so the effective use of the styles. Your awareness of these styles is crucial to your interaction with others.

What is a listening style?

It is simply a preferred way of making sense out of spoken messages. So it is how you make sense out of what is spoken. When you are in a conversation with someone you are trying to make sense out of what they are saying. You are trying to interpret the content of what they are saying within the context of where you are relationally.

Your brain can make sense of what is being said. It is busy searching through the billions of memory cells and trying to find where to fit that conversation. Most times it is interpreted based upon past experiences. Based on the nature of the experience it creates an appropriate emotional response. If it was negative, it puts the body in a guarded or stressful state.

Here are the four styles: (P.A.C.T)

1. People Oriented

2. Action Oriented

3. Content Oriented

4. Time Oriented

People Oriented Listening Styles:

Those who are people oriented are more empathic. They are more sensitive to people’s feelings. They want to understand the thoughts and feelings of other people. It is almost like getting in the person’s shoes and be thinking what must their experience be like.

If you are not an empathetic person, it doesn’t make you a bad person. A people oriented listening style does not make someone better than the other. It is simply how they are wired and being aware of that is important.

These people make great therapists, great counselors; they are good listeners and I believe we can all develop this skill.

As a therapist, I don’t think I was always a good listener. Through various events that have occurred in my life, I have made changes to the point of seeing myself as a very good listener. I believe events shape our lives significantly.

Because of what I went through and the patience and the sensitivity that was shown towards me have helped me to be more sensitive, compassionate, and empathetic. This has made me more a people oriented listener.

Action Oriented Listening Styles:

Action oriented listeners are more into the bottom-line. They make great managers and bosses. Great in the sense that they get the job done.

They don’t want the:

• Book response 
• Paragraph and the chapters 

They want:

• The bullet points
• Action
• Results
• The punchline
• The point of the story

Some Traits of the Action Oriented Listener:

They:

• Tend to second guess others because of their skeptical nature.
• Tend to be critical
• Are analytical
• Sometimes have a hard trusting others
• Are not necessarily good listeners

Content Oriented Listening Styles:

A content oriented listener is more the detailed oriented type. They are very much into details.They want to look at everything. They want to look at the time, the place, the people, the who, the what, the where, the when, the how … all of that. They don’t want to leave anything out.

As a therapist, I see myself as a content oriented as I ask for as much detail as possible. This helps me with being a better therapist. It gives me a clearer and broader picture.

You might have noticed that I have now identified with more than one style so far. I believe this helps us understand that we could be any of the four depending on the situation we are in. However, we tend to default to one more than the other.

Time Oriented Listening Styles:

Time oriented listeners are people who want to know how much time will it take to satisfy the request being made. Its amazing. They have many things to do (real or unreal) so they don’t have time to “waste.” They want to know how long “it” will take and do I have time for this.

So a person who is time oriented want to know if they can listen to you while they continue to do what they are doing. They want to multi-task. They might say, “Can I listen to you while I walk, can you walk me to my car and talk to me?”  

Sometimes I find that I can be that way. If I am watching television, which I very rarely watch, and my wife would say to me “honey lets watch a movie.” My first thought is, “how long will this take.”

This shows that we all can be any of these four listening styles. However there tends to be a dominant one that stands out.

The question is “Which one of these are you?”

Would you say you are a:

People oriented listener?

Action oriented listener?

Content oriented listener?

Time oriented listener?

I would love to hear from you on this. If you have a comment or question, please take a few minutes and leave me your response in the comment box below.