I must confess right up front, that I’ve never used an online dating service. I have known of several 
people who have and so far seem to have found a partner that proves that this method can work.
Some people have entered into marital relationships from an online encounter and could not be more happier in their lives. They could become a poster child for an online dating service.
There are others who have had disastrous relationship encounters that have left them emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually scarred. Some have ruled out future attempts to use this method of finding a romantic partner.
Because I have never used the service, I can only speak of what I have read, heard and seen. One of the things that I know is that some of these services work very hard to screen potential clients.
One of the reasons, among others, is to help you find potential partner who is very compatible with you. It’s as if they are trying to find as perfect a match as possible. I applaud them for this approach but this is where it can be damning.
The Damning Nature Of Online Dating
Trying to find a compatible match, overlooks the very thing that makes relationships stronger. To try and find someone who almost clones the other person in the way they behave, think and views things, is a recipe for disaster.
We do not need two of us.
Some of us find it difficult to live with ourselves much less to add someone who is like us, to our lives. That makes two of us. Does that make sense?
Don’t I need someone who has opposite thoughts, views and styles to help me learn how to become a better communicator, negotiator, problem solver?
Where would I learn to be more understanding, less selfish, more patient and other important skills, than in a very close arrangement – known as an intimate relationship – with someone who is different than me?
I cannot learn these things when there are two of us and neither can you.
Here then are some of my advice for online dating services:
1. Screen for background information for security purposes
2. Screen for height, weight and educational achievements
3. Screen for hobbies, likes and dislikes
But do not screen for compatibility. By the way, what does compatibility mean? Does it mean that you’re different? Isn’t that what you need … differences?
There might be other areas to screen for that I didn’t include on this short list. What would you have added?
Leave your comment below.
